Pondering Life.

Tonight, yet again, I've been pondering my life, and, as I always do, I began to cry. I began to cry because I believe I'll never amount to anything in my future. I try my best, at school, at home, but ofcourse, in todays world, my best isn't good, I have to be better than the best. And since I can't, I fail. Pathetic, I bet thats the only word running through your head as you read this, well, I don't care, I no longer give a single fucking shit what people think of me, think what you wish, becuase I bet, I can say worse things about myself then you could ever think of. Heck, my mum has said horribler things to me, then you ever could.

Trying to Help.

I hate it, when, you know someone needs help, so, I go to help them, and they wont accept my help, whats the point in asking for it in the first place, if your not going to accept help?

Love...

Do you know how hard it is to tell the person that you love that you would rather see them with someone else than yourself, just so they're happy? Trust me, it's no where as easy as it sounds, so only do it, of you truely want that person to be happy.

Trip to Kenya!!

I've been given the chance to go to Kenya in 2011 for 4 weeks, seems like the oppitunity of a life time, I just hope I can go. :?

Long Time No Speak

Okay, so it's been a long ime since I've posted anything, just thought I'd say Hi, so Hi! :D School is crap, holidays weren't much better. I became the laughing stock of my maths class the other day just because I couldn't answer a 'simple' question. :( Ah Well, only 2 more years of it.

Why am I such a crap friend?

Today, I was gonna be going to the cinema with my friends, I was looking forward to it, but, I have no confidence when it comes to being social. Alot of the time when my friends call for me, I'll say no because I'm kinda a recluse. And so, I didn't go with my friends in the end, and now I feel I've let them down and feel like a terrible friend, I don't deserve them, they're too good for me.

My Friend C.

As I write this, my face is wet with tears, no, not of sorrow, I don't really know why they are there, they just are. Maybe it's because I've been able to tell my friend C certain things today. There are still things I wish to tell them, and maybe, in time, and with courage, I'll be able to tell them what I need to say, when that day comes, I might let you know, I might not, I guess you'll have to wait and see.

Before I go, I have just ine more thing to say.

Thank you C, for being such a great friend, for being there, you mean so much to me, I don't know how to tell you what I want to say, but I'm sure you'll know sooner or later.

I'm a bad Tea Pot.

Here's a random bad version of "I'm a Little Tea Pot" that I just came up with.

I'm a little Tea Pot short and stout;
Heres my handle and heres my spout;
Let me stick it in you and move it about;
Tip me over and white stuff comes out.

(Trust me, it ain't milk.)
Tell me what you think people.
:D

Bad Iggle Piggle.

To all Iggle Piggle fans such as myself,I have some bad news. He has been sentanced to Death Row, and all he did was murder his pregnant co-star Upsy Daisy.

Good Times.

I really enjoyed hanging out with Courtney today, it was so random and funny.

We sat outside of One Stop for like, over an hour, she was playing a game, the aim of the game was to hit my crotch with a bottle lid, what fun that was, she managed to hit it, but only once.

We talked about many differant things outside One Stop, one thing we talked about was erections, it was quite funny since I had to explain to her that it isn't mean't to bend, lol, that was funny.

I then went running off into tall grass. Courtney like the way I said Boobies, so made me say it over and over again, before recording it. Lol, it was funny trying not to laugh so much on the video.

The buggie, ah that old mangled buggie, atleast it was when I was finished with it. I found a buggie, and since I was in a random mood wanted to open it and push Courtney around it in. Unfortunately, it was so crappy and mangled, it wouldn't open. I guess snapping pieces off to use as guns didn't make things better, but hey, it kept me entertained didn't it?

Intense Crotch Rubbin', or as I like to call it ICR. God that was fun, atleast I enjoyed it. (Btw, I would recomend it to anyone, feels better if your standing up though.)

Walking back made Courtney laugh loads, I was still in a random mood, so I walked through a over grown plant thing that had grown over the wall, what I didn't know was that at the end, was a Ivy kinda plant, I walked right into it a got strangled, now that, was funny.

I like making people laugh, makes me feel good about myself.

Who Am I?

Sometimes, something happens to me, I am, overwhelmed by something. I have no idea what this is, or what happens to me, I know what is going on, but it is as if I have no control over it, and when I am like this I can say things, and do things that are hurtful, but the thing is, I don't mean them.

But the hurtful things have already been said, and well, after that, there isn't much I can do.

Sorry to who ever has had to see this side to me, sorry for anything that happend.

School Day'z.

Yesterday was the last day of the year, at last. I find it hard to believe that in about 6 weeks, I'll be a year 10.

I had a great day with all my friends, it was full of fun and pretty laid back. All we did was watch crappy moives, piss about, have a laugh and have a small party at the end of the year.

My tutor Mr Pickard was leaving after nearly 30 years as a teacher at Blake. Alot of people never really liked him that much, but I thought he was great. He was a good PE teacher who always knew how to make people laugh in funny ways.

Well, to all those who go to or used to go to Blake, have a great summer, and don't die.

Regreting Life.

Recently I have beeen thinking about my life. I have come to the conclusion that I regret it all. All the good things I have done, and all the bad things I have done.

Maybe, just maybe, I should have thought about the choices I had, before choosing one that I later regret, and that in the future, I should think more deeply about things in the long run...

My Self-Esteem

I have recently realised I have low self-esteem.

I always put myself down, inuslt myself, then laugh at myself for being so pathetic.

Ha, I shouldn't even exist.

Now, I just took a self-esteem test, and it say I should consider therapy. I'll put a link in this post, and I'll let you people decide whether or not I should seek help.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/interactive/interactivetests/selfesteem.php?postBack=true&radiobutton1=1&radiobutton2=1&radiobutton3=3&radiobutton4=2&radiobutton5=2&radiobutton6=1&radiobutton7=2&radiobutton8=2&radiobutton9=1&radiobutton10=1&radiobutton11=2&radiobutton12=2&radiobutton13=3&radiobutton14=2&radiobutton15=3&radiobutton16=3&radiobutton17=1&radiobutton18=1&radiobutton19=1&radiobutton20=3

Sorry that the link is huge people.

Whatta Day.

All I can realy say about today is that it has been differant for all my friends. At first it was kinda boring, as school is, but as the day went on, it became more fun, well, for some of us.

Sports Day was the funnest and most random part of the day for me. Me and my pals were being so rondom, having salad fights, wearing salad boxes and lunch boxes on our heads and just having over all fun.

Today I have had loads of hugs. I like giving hugs, but I like giving hugs even more when people say I give the best hugs. Me and Eglė are always hugging, and me and Dev, oh, and me and Courtney.

Well, that was my day, I hope you found it intresting, if not, dont bother commenting, if you did, please, leave a comment.

"We've already seen this rubbish!"

Lmao, PSR saw funny today,well the beginning was. I just can't belive I got told off for having an opinion. What ever happened to freedom of speech??

Anyway, wanna know what hapened? Probalby not but I'm still gonna show/tell you. :P

Me-"We've already seen this rubbish!"
Mrs Hobbs-"Who said that?"
Me-*Puts up hand*
Mrs Hobbs-"Do you want to come back at break and tell Mrs Allen why you think Anne Frank is rubbish?"
Me-*With smile*"Yeah, ok"*Still smiling*

Lol, good times, good times. :D

A random thought.

I am a stealthy Assassin, just waiting to strike.

What am I good at?

I was recently wondering, "What am I good at?"

I mean, most of my friends all have something they're good at; Courtney and Eglé are both very good at photography; Steph, Ben, Ollie and Mel can all play instruments; Jake, Leah, Dean, Steph, Bri and Amy are all smart.

So where does that leave me? Do I have anything to be proud of? Any good achievments? Something that makes me, me?

Hrmm, I guess we'll never know.

My Hugs.

Knowing that my hugs are so soothing, is another reason to keep on living.

Losing Friends.

Ha! How funny that my first blog entry would be about my friendship with people, well, to be more presice, a certain friend. Having a big argument with a friend is never good, but having a big argument, and having part of you not care less is even worse.

You see, me and Steph have been friends for ages, (funny how one little comment can rip friendship apart) and, well yesterday, she said that I had abandoned her, just because I spent lunch with some other friends. Now, that not what bothered me, it's that fact that she expected me to realise I had done something wrong, when, to me, I had no idea. (Me in a nutshell.)

Today, Steph tried sorting out our little dispute, but, I just made it worse, a whole lot worse. And then afterwards, part of me felt reallybad, for what I said and done, while, the rest, really couldn't give a shit.

So Steph, if your reading this, I'm sorry for the way I acted, for what I said, and what I did. You are a great friend, and I really dont desrve a friend like you, but, if you still want to be friends, it's your call.