Pondering Life.

Tonight, yet again, I've been pondering my life, and, as I always do, I began to cry. I began to cry because I believe I'll never amount to anything in my future. I try my best, at school, at home, but ofcourse, in todays world, my best isn't good, I have to be better than the best. And since I can't, I fail. Pathetic, I bet thats the only word running through your head as you read this, well, I don't care, I no longer give a single fucking shit what people think of me, think what you wish, becuase I bet, I can say worse things about myself then you could ever think of. Heck, my mum has said horribler things to me, then you ever could.

Trying to Help.

I hate it, when, you know someone needs help, so, I go to help them, and they wont accept my help, whats the point in asking for it in the first place, if your not going to accept help?

Love...

Do you know how hard it is to tell the person that you love that you would rather see them with someone else than yourself, just so they're happy? Trust me, it's no where as easy as it sounds, so only do it, of you truely want that person to be happy.

Trip to Kenya!!

I've been given the chance to go to Kenya in 2011 for 4 weeks, seems like the oppitunity of a life time, I just hope I can go. :?

Long Time No Speak

Okay, so it's been a long ime since I've posted anything, just thought I'd say Hi, so Hi! :D School is crap, holidays weren't much better. I became the laughing stock of my maths class the other day just because I couldn't answer a 'simple' question. :( Ah Well, only 2 more years of it.

Why am I such a crap friend?

Today, I was gonna be going to the cinema with my friends, I was looking forward to it, but, I have no confidence when it comes to being social. Alot of the time when my friends call for me, I'll say no because I'm kinda a recluse. And so, I didn't go with my friends in the end, and now I feel I've let them down and feel like a terrible friend, I don't deserve them, they're too good for me.

My Friend C.

As I write this, my face is wet with tears, no, not of sorrow, I don't really know why they are there, they just are. Maybe it's because I've been able to tell my friend C certain things today. There are still things I wish to tell them, and maybe, in time, and with courage, I'll be able to tell them what I need to say, when that day comes, I might let you know, I might not, I guess you'll have to wait and see.

Before I go, I have just ine more thing to say.

Thank you C, for being such a great friend, for being there, you mean so much to me, I don't know how to tell you what I want to say, but I'm sure you'll know sooner or later.